the BLOG of stuart mcdonald

The Reason She Doesn’t Respect You
February 5, 2010, 9:09 am
Filed under: Relationships

Last week I wrote about how men disrespect women, and why we shouldn’t and what we should do, and yada, yada, yada. I got quite a few people who wanted to hear the reverse discussion and put the women on blast. And I’m all for being fair (sometimes) and balanced and looking at both sides of the stories. So…

It’s obvious the type of things that women do when they disrespect their men, so I don’t find it necessary to discuss that. The question then becomes, not what, but why. Why do women do these things? Why doesn’t the woman treat her man with respect in the first place?

The simple answer? She doesn’t like him. A woman will not respect a man she doesn’t like. (I use like instead of love, because you’re going to have to first like the man before you love him.) Her reasoning may seem insignificant to the man (not that she cares), or even to her friends, but that’s irrelevant — if she doesn’t like a man, she will not treat him with respect.

On the most basic level, a woman won’t like a man if she feels cannot protect her. Protection looks like different things to different women. If she values keeping her bills paid, she will not respect a man that is between jobs (“You broke ____!”). If she looks for physical strength (the most cave-man of reactions), then she won’t like slim or short dudes (“With yo’ little _____!”). If a woman values brains or intelligence, she won’t use a phrase when arguing, she will start to use big words to make you feel stupid (to which the “ignorant” man replies, “Yo, why you gotta start talking like that? I can’t STAND you!”)

Men, I know sometimes we can be hardheaded (self included), so here are some factors to let you know if a girl doesn’t like you (there are obviously more, but let’s get the basics down first):

  • She doesn’t initiate conversation (only returns calls or texts, never sends them).
  • She doesn’t want you to touch her in public. At all.
  • She doesn’t want to kiss you.
  • She never asks you where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing (because she doesn’t care).
  • She doesn’t want to just hang at the crib with you.

If a woman you are dating, or even interested in, acts like this, she ‘s not playing hard to get. She is not ‘hella cool and laid back.” She doesn’t like you. If she doesn’t like you, she won’t respect you. If a woman doesn’t like you, the more you pursue her, the more desperate and unattractive you look. You see, if she did like you, all the stuff you do for her would make her heart melt, but instead, the opposite is true — her heart is getting hard towards you. Now you’re just make matters worse and she likes you less (and thinks you’re dumb for not getting the clues) and thus she’s disrespecting you more and more (often more publicly).

I already know that some will say that this is a cop-out because it really defers all the blame back onto the men and that’s not fair. And that’s true. I, in some ways, did defer the blame back on the men for not understanding that the women didn’t like them. But that’s how these things work — the man is (or should be) in charge of the relationship. And when something goes wrong, who do we blame most often? The one in charge. Sorry guys, that’s just the way it is sometimes.

They’ll say that there are women who are downright just disrespectful for no reason. And I’d say you’re wrong (at least on that count). There is always a reason that women do things. We may not be able to figure it out or comprehend, but that doesn’t stop it from existing.

So gentlemen, if she’s disrespecting you, chance are good, very good, that she’s not doing it for no reason. Think about the things listed above and inspect whether or not she really likes you and then take things from there.

[Make sure you follow me on Twitter and connect with me on Facebook.]

[Author’s Note: Thanks to Joy for giving me some feedback. Check out her blog here.]


3 Comments so far
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Hi, I am writing ’cause I appreciate your article about respect in relationship between a woman and a man, and I thank U for understanding and outing about men who don’t respect women. It’s quite right: I never met a man who respect me. I am from Rome, Italy, and I want to say the truth about Italian men: they don’t have respect, they consider women not necessary, and they use to say:”women come and go..friends are for life”. That’s really bad, because they live like eternal Peter Pan with their male friends, and they are so proud to be single..That’s really sad..I have enough experience to say this.

Comment by marzia

I unlocked the code to get in! Ah, this is much better.

…so as I was tweeting, this post is very enlightening for me! It took me months to realize what you have described here. It took even longer to actually break up with him. To be perfectly honest, I’m afraid to get into another relationship because I just don’t have the energy to go through “Relationship Hell” again (the period between not liking the person & breaking up with the person). It’s so emotionally draining to hang in there past the expiration date. I usually want the other person to break up with me, because…if I break up with the man, he turns into a stalker. My mom always taught me that it needs to be the man’s idea (ego) and she was proven right time after time. The only peace I get is if the man finally hates me (after I turn into a bitch because I’m hanging in there past the not liking him part).


Well, this was cathartic.

I’m going to share this with a few friends of mine who are still “hanging in there” by a thread.

I would love to see this topic presented from the other side – when men stop respecting a woman and how that looks. Even if it’s from your own personal point of view. I like the way you handled this perspective. No blame. Just showing that the behavior is tied in with the woman’s values.

Comment by Jara

This is SO true! I dated a guy who refused to take no for an answer, and just would not believe me when I told him I didn’t want to be with him (after the FIRST date). This led to him doing way too much (driving hours to see me, buying me gifts, etc…all unsolicited), and it got annoying. It was to the point that I felt like I had to start insulting him for him to leave me alone. He even tried to make a bet with me that after 8 consecutive dates I’d change my mind. He lost.

In hindsight I probably should have just ignored all his phone calls and instant messages, because I don’t like the person I became when talking to him. We had great conversations, but he would always wind up bringing up our “relationship” and I’d always wind up having to be a bitch. Oh well, live and learn.

Comment by MoreAndAgain

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