the BLOG of stuart mcdonald


Three Reasons I Love Dating Christians
November 10, 2009, 11:00 am
Filed under: Relationships | Tags: , , ,

Black_Couple_WEBI have to say that I had a great time writing last week’s post about the “Five Reasons I Hate Dating Christians.” I find it a bit indicting that, as a Christian myself, it was that easy to come up with things that we do wrong when it comes to dating, and even relationships in general. Not surprisingly a lot of people — some Christian, some not — agreed with the points. My goal wasn’t to say that, as a Christian, you shouldn’t be dating Christians, but rather to bring some attention to the things to avoid in your relationships. For those who read that aren’t Christians, well, do you. Having never been in a relationship without being a Christian, so I can’t speak to your situation.

So in order to offer some redemption to last week’s post, and balance things out, here are the three reasons I love dating Christians (as a Christian — because, honestly, if I wasn’t a Christian, I don’t know that I’d date one).

1. They’re not afraid of marriage.
If there’s one thing Christians are not scared of, it’s marriage. Perhaps it’s just because it allows them to have sex, but perhaps there’s more to it. After all, there are certain things that can only be accomplished in the world through a healthy, Godly marriage. Why? Because a monogamous marriage between a man and a woman was God’s ultimate plan for the world to grow and prosper.

Too often the non-believers of the world, for whatever reason, are afraid to commit to another person for the rest of their lives. So what do they do? They spend five to ten years with another person, but often fail to commit, and when the relationship ends, both parties are left back where they were before the relationship even started. This isn’t to say that Christians don’t fall into this same trap or that there aren’t Christians who are afraid of commitment, but to say that the majority of Christians are more likely to marry than be in a long-term relationship with no marital commitment.

2. There’s always more than meets the eye.
One of the things that breaks my heart is people who look incredible but have absolutely no depth to them. I know you know a few of these types — they’re very beautiful, attractive people, but as soon as you have a conversation about the deeper things in life, like, for instance, what they want to do with their, they have nothing to say.

The benefit of a Christian is that they see the big picture; they’re eternally minded. The understand that the issues, trials, and tribulations of life are not even about them, but rather to be used to help someone else down the road. While being a Christian doesn’t instantly make you a better person, the Holy Spirit does. He gives us the Fruits of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control — in order to show the world His love through us.

5. It’s about more than sex.
It’s so much easier for myself, as well as the others who are committed to remaining abstinent from sex until we’re married, to remain that way when we have partners that are committed to the same idea. Now, for those Christians who want to have sex (even though the Bible is clear that sex outside of marriage — God’s original intent — is a sin) this point is pretty much void for you. Trust me, I’ve tried dating people who wanted to have sex when I was committed to abstaining until marriage and it’s nearly pointless. At some point, one party will give in. Or go elsewhere. Then all your relationship was for what? Nothing.

I wonder if sex ever makes any relationship easier. Does it make things simpler? If it does, it’s probably not a bad idea, but every time I can think of sex being involved in a relationship, things have become more complicated than they were before. I’m also not trying to run the risk of any unexpected pregnancy or diseases and, while condoms work most of the time, they’re not foolproof, nor do they protect you from the emotional repercussions.

Admittedly, I struggled through this post a lot more than “Five Reasons I Hate Dating Christians” for reasons I can’t fully explain. Perhaps it’s because it’s easier to see the flaws and faults in any situation. But now I leave it in your hands. What did I miss? What do you love about dating Christians? And yes, I know there are only three for love whereas there were five for the things I hate. I was struggling to pull together five, but I want hear from you!

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10 Comments so far
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Condoms don’t protect you from emotional repercussions. That might be the most profound thing I have heard in years.

Comment by joysrantlist

Great articles…thx!!!

Comment by TIFFANY JOY MUNOZ

I’d add: “They (should) help you to strengthen/deepen your relationship with Christ.” If you are in pursuit of a life that is pure before God-being a faithful tither, a regular bible studier, an unashamed worshiper- dating someone who is of the same mind and in pursuit of the same things makes it all a bit easier. That way, you don’t have to tell them, down the road, “I need to dump you in order to get closer to God.” So instead of men spending time stepping up their swagger or ladies spending all of their time in the mirror trying to look cute and available-but not to availble- you both can go after the things of God. And not to say that Christian men don’t love a lady that carries herself a certain way or Christian women don’t love a guy with a bit of swag, someone with dominion-the level above earthly swagger is much, much more attractive.

Comment by Jonae Wartel

Majority of Christians get married for sex. Once they find someone who is somewhat compatible, they tend to rush into it. Trust I have seen this happen too many times, that’s why so many of them are unhappy in their marriages!Christians (some anyway) are afraid of marriage. It’s a lifetime committment and unlike non-believers we are taught that we can’t get out of it. So yeah both non-believers and Christians have some doubts about being married. Not saying they don’t like the idea but they all have their doubts. Oddly enough for some sex has no emotional attachment. Not everyone gets attached. I’m not into dating Christians but one day I will!! Hopefully!!

Oh yeah it’s three not five!! lol

Comment by jetara

So Jonae pretty much said what I was going to say in a more eloquent manner.

I was going to just add “They get me….and I can be me.” I won’t feel ashamed for doing a praise break every now and again.. because they get me. I won’t feel like I need to scale back on showing how much I love God… because they don’t hide it on their end either. The ability to be your true self without the fear of being looked upon as crazy when you start to talk about your beliefs. There is something to be said about that level of comfort IMHO.

Comment by Krystle

I don’t have to petenf to be somethingi’m not with a woman of God you know?Noone can understand a Godly man except a Godly woman.I understand why the bible talks about not being unequally yolked in 2 corinthians 6:14-7:1.The world doesn’t understand us and it’s a great thing to meet someone that does in the church.Sex does complicate things though honestly it really does.

Comment by Rick

I’m going to touch on this subject on my blog as well. So be sure and check it out.

Comment by Trabell

I indeed agree…particularly Sex “before marriage” oftentimes complicates any relationship. The reason for that is the fact that every time we sleep with someone who we are not married to, we share our souls with them…also considered soul ties. And there can be a sense of attachment or disconnection when we sleep with them. This is why we shall become one when we are “married.” When dating Christians its about more than sex. Christians will seek God as their guide in connecting them to the right person, as well as getting to know that person. Sex before marriage is dangerous…I am speaking from experience and I have now vowed to wait on God to send the right person to seek me.

Comment by Maranda

I read both articles and know how you feel. I was raised in the church and I am a Christian. Dating another Christian is a plus for me in that, they can help me maintain my relationship with Christ and hold me accountable. We can support each other in our walk. That is something that non-Christian people don’t always understand the importance of. Also a lot of times it easier to take it slow, in a sexual sense, because they understand faith perspective as well as the person’s desire to know someone and to have something more concrete then “I like you, you like me….let’s do it” mentality.

Comment by Kirsten

I enjoyed BOTH articles, Stuart. I praise the Lord for a man of VALOR such as yourself who is not afraid to discuss such sensitive topics with the masses on behalf of God …I thank you. Bless you.

Sis. Jonae: THANK YOU you took the words right out of my mouth! I think as Christians we sometimes believe that we have to be FAAAAAR LEFT or FAAAAAR RIGHT not “balanced” and this is an unhealthy way to walk out our faith whether in dating/relating, work, or just life in general. As Stuart so often promotes in many of his articles SEEK BALANCE PEOPLE OF GOD…AND BE TRUE TO GOD AND THEN TO YOURSELF. If we are to be TRUE to God and to what HIS word says than we can weed out alot of foolishness we put ourselves through needlessly. The bible says that light and darkness do not mix PERIOD! So if you wish to pursue someone that is worldly don’t be upset when you try to do some missionary dating/converting and they don’t budge…your intentions were not true to God’s word. Once we line up our intentions and actions (in dating and in life overall) OH THE WAY IS SO MUCH EASIER! Less drama, more glory for HIS kingdom, and I am speaking from experience, halleluia! This is not to say the CHRISTIAN walk is an easy one for at times it can be so very challenging to go against the grain of this world or as the bible says to take the NARROW PATH but the benefits and Godly favor to follow are unmatched…so I say be encouraged to myself and to all of us who are dating GOD’S way…and dating FELLOW CHRISTIANS who believe and actually walk out their faith in a way that is comparable to our own walk…God is faithful and HE will bless that union abundantly…wait I say on the Lord for someone you feel EQUALLY CONNECTED (THAT’S WHAT YOKED MEANS) TO…

Stuart I am praying for you as you allow the Lord to pour HIS words into your heart and soul and you continue to write about topics that others may avoid…I will keep you posted on my blog also…I just launched it no content yet working on it…blessings.

Comment by Miss Demetria Nicole




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