the BLOG of stuart mcdonald

Five Reasons I Hate Dating Christians
November 6, 2009, 11:04 am
Filed under: Relationships | Tags: , , , ,

singles-black-dating-personalsGenerally speaking, Christians are great people in a lot of ways. But sometimes, for some reason, they end up being less Christ-like and more crazy-like. The realm of dating and male-female relationships is one of these areas. It seems that when conversations concerning the opposite sex come into the picture, Christians immediately make things more complicated than they should be and thus bring undue tension, drama, and stress into the picture.

I have devised a list of the five reasons that I hate dating Christians, or more accurately, the five things that annoying me most when dating Christians. And for all those super saved folks that think this is blasphemous, and will comment about how Christians should only date Christians (which I’ll agree with) please know that I’ll come back with another list next week, just to even things out, so go ahead relax. It’s ok. So, here we go… in no particular order:

1. Everything is about marriage. You can’t express any kind of interest in anyone without people immediately jumping to the “they’re going to get married” conclusion. Can we just take it one step at a time? I asked her if she’d like to have coffee, not if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me — I don’t even know her like that. You’ve got to take the time to get to know people first before you can accurately gauge whether or not they’re even marriage material, but too often, Christians seem to think that expressed interest implies that the research is already done. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. But let’s be on the safe side and not assume anything. A meal doesn’t always lead to marriage so enjoy your dessert.

2. There’s always more than meets the eye. There seem to always be ulterior motives. Can we just have fun hanging out and enjoying each other’s company without the pressure of adding titles and timelines to the relationship? Now, I understand that you don’t want to lead people on, but we don’t need to define the relationship before we’ve finished out coffee. It’s really not that serious. Why do I feel like we have to interrogate each other in order to make sure that they fulfill all the qualifications (see #4) that we think we need to have in order to obtain this perfect spouse.

In this area, sometimes a person’s friends are the relationship’s worst enemy. What I mean is that they can put a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress on the situation by creating a timetable of what they think should be happening by what date. That’s not to say that the other person hasn’t already done it, but the friends make it worse because they’re constantly asking questions about “when” and “why” and “why hasn’t such and such happened” thus making the person wonder and think about these things instead of just letting it happen organically.

3. You can’t just tell them “no.” Especially if you go to the same church. This is really more for the ladies, but should serve as a warning for the guys. Gentlemen, if you see a particular lady that you like, and express interest but it’s not reciprocated, learn how to respect her decision and still be pleasant and friendly to her afterwards. You might be a great guy and her a great girl, but that doesn’t automatically make the relationship work, or even mean there’s an attraction. Just because you two may match up all your qualifications on paper, that doesn’t mean that thing will just fall into place.

I’m not going into any depth on this, but… can the Elders, Deacons, and Pastors stop trying to hook people up? That is not a spiritual gift and you don’t have the worldly skills to do it, so please, do us all a favor and chill out. People notice other people they’re attracted to. We can even tell within the first few minutes of talking to a person if we want to know more about them, even in a friendship way, so please, don’t get offended because you think that me and your daughter should get married, but we’re just not attracted to one another.

4. They have way too many requirements.
As much as we should be Christ-like and very accepting and caring about those that aren’t like us, whether in lifestyle or belief system, we, more often than not, do the exact opposite and ostracize the very people that we could help change.

How does this relate to dating? Most Christians have a list, perhaps 3 or 4 pages long of things they think they want in their mate. And while non-Christians do this too, Christians are so much worse with it, because they include spiritual stipulations that they personally don’t even fulfill. Men want a “Proverbs 31 Woman” but they don’t even tithe or have a consistent prayer life. Or women want a man that will lead them in the ways of the Lord, but get upset when he said he doesn’t want to have sex with you. Be realistic. Don’t expect anything of your mate that you don’t expect of yourself.

5. The “God told me…” situation. Christians are great at using God as an excuse for any and everything in their lives. We say things like, “God told me not to be friends with you because…” or, “God said I’m supposed to have this job,” when the reality is, that’s not the Father, that’s your flesh. I’m not saying that God can’t speak to us about situations in our lives, but more often than not, we use that as a means to get what we want and putting “God said…” in front of it makes the desire more legit.

Ladies. Gentlemen. Do not tell someone, “God told me that you’re were gonna be my spouse.” Please. It’s creepy and honestly, if you’re someone I’m not familiar with, it’s a little stalker-ish too. If God told you that, He’ll be telling me as well, and then we can talk about it.

Those are my five things. I could probably come up with more, but I want to hear from you — when it comes to dating Christians, what are the things that you can’t stand the most? What are the things that Christians do that they shouldn’t do? What did I miss? Thoughts?

But wait, before I go, I should say, make sure you come back next week when I balance out the scales and give you the five reasons I love dating Christians.


13 Comments so far
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Love it! (all your blogs really). # 3 is especially true & difficult for me. My church is relatively small at about 100 members so if someone takes a liking to you, everyone seems to know about it. Now that everyone knows “Jimmy” likes me, I look heartless if I don’t go out with him. SMH. Lately # 5 has become a problem. Recently I was ordained as Minister & now everyone says “you need a husband,” “you need to be covered.” I thought Jesus was a good enough covering but apparently “God told” a young man I know (& I don’t know him that well mind you) that he was to be my covering, LOL!

Comment by leslie_lorelle

“A meal doesn’t always lead to marriage so enjoy your dessert.” LOL that is so funny.

The only thing I can add to this list is using the church as a means for why you can’t go out. I get it… we all want to serve God and allow Him to use us as He sees fit. So you are involved in ministries.. I got that. However, I’m pretty sure God wouldn’t mind us going bowling one night. You don’t always have to be in the mix. It is like the trump card because what can you say.. they just threw Jesus in your face LOL

Comment by Krystle

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I’m sorry, it seems as if you’re generalizing all Christians which is a major mistake if you are. Yes some Christians are like this, but not all. I am personally a Christian woman who understands the potential complexities of dating, but yet I am still human and I realize that everything that we do or say doesn’t have to be all about God (as much as I love Him). There has to be a balance in everything that we do in our lives be it personal,spiritual, or social(dating), any real Christian would know this. You know I believe that some Christians act this way because they fear being condemned by their pastors, who they worship and listen to more than God. They lack the ability to make decisions on their own because they are all about pleasing people or they use religion to manipulate others.I respect and understand your decision, but I just wanted you to know that there are still some level headed, open minded, non-judgemental Christian women out here.You have definitely given Christians something to think about. Great post! 😀

Comment by Yolanda

I recommend that you do not date Christians, nor tempt Christians to date you. Stick with unbelievers and everyone will be better off: The sex will be better for both you and her. Also, if you decide to get married, imagine how screwed up the kids will be if they have 1 parent who believes and 1 who does not. Most of all, I think that a Christian would better off without your bad influence!

Comment by G. Rooster

In responce to “What If The Sex Is Bad? Does A Christian Have Options?”

Divorce IS an option, Stuart. Check out Matthew 19:9; “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, accept for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Never, never, never, is not quite accurate, accurate, accurate. Please do not mislead faithful Christians by making them believe they must stay with an unfaithful spouse.


Comment by DaVett

Both true and hilarious. In relation to no.3, if you agree to go out with someone at your church, it seems that EVERYONE else who goes there is off limits. Because God forbid you date 2 people who go to the same church, you’ll instantly become to church you know what…

Speaking as someone who has limited experience dating Christians (just haven’t dated a lot in general), I’ve already found these things to be true. Sometimes we let our Christianity and purpose driven lives impede our ability to relate naturally to human beings of the opposite sex. It all makes dating “in the world” look easier! Lord help us…

Comment by Jonae Wartel

I have to say, Yes you are right about Christians should only date christians. I oppose to #1 beacuase quiet often people fail to understand how much faith or understanding a person have about the word of God. That lady happened to say marriage to you, due to the fact she could have been a new born in Christ. she has not yet have a foundation in the word of God. But christians whose mature enough know how a relationship work. First, its get to know the person, second, its build a friendship, third,finaly the relationship.

Comment by Jean David

I absolutely love your blogs! As a Christian who is also still dating…I had to respond. I too have had a guy tell me, “God said that you are my wife.” The first thing that came to mind was, “Well God did not tell me that!” It’s really weird. It is definitely hard to date as a Christian woman, but I try my best to remain true to who I am. I am not one of those women who has 3-4 pages of requirements, but I definitely have requirements just as any other person would who is non-Christian. When I meet someone for the first time, Im more focused on getting to know who they are, rather than grilling them or sizing them up. I am also tired of people in the church trying to hook me up. Rather than trying to play cupid or matchmaker, can we just let God do the hooking up? If we are patient, he will send the right person at the right time.

Comment by Maranda

As a Christian woman, not only did I find this article entertaining, but I agreed with everything you said!!

Comment by Melinda

I am a Christian woman and I know and agree with everything that you said. These can be some of the downfalls depending on who you date!

Comment by Kirsten

As a Minister I must say you are right on point with your assessment. I found it hilarious. I must admit I found myself in those same situations. “God said you are my wife” “God said you are my husband”. After two months of dating we were talking marriage. After 13 months of dating/courting it was over. It was a great experience. We enjoyed the time spent & see each other from time to time in church. The good thing is we attend a church with a large congregation (12,000+) so its not often. Im just taking my time to know & learn people.

Comment by Minister McKinnie

I yearn for a submissive woman who would be attracted to me as I would be to her. It matters not what other people think, as long as her and I truly love and desire each other only, irrelevant of material possessions, job status, or activity pursuits. Here is my link:

Comment by Andy Reaume

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