the BLOG of stuart mcdonald


When I Like It, I’ll Put a Title on It
July 27, 2009, 7:12 pm
Filed under: Relationships, Think About It

Note: The views and opinions expressed herein may not be logical and/or follow any sound reasoning whatsoever. I’m just giving you a heads up as to how I operate, for better or for worse, so that in your dealings with me, you don’t get your feelings hurt. I’m sure many will ignore the warning, but I’m just doing my part.Girlfriend TitleLet me explain how I categorize the women in my life. You’re either a friend or your my girlfriend. If you’re not my girlfriend, you’re a friend. It’s that simple.

If you’re a friend, I may be attracted to you, feeling to you, or crushing on you, but until I TELL you something, you’re still just a friend. We may hang out on the regular and talk frequently but unless I have stated my intentions, don’t think there are any to pursue a relationship. I may just want to have fun.

If you don’t like to have fun, you may not want to be friends with me. It would be a shame not to have you as a friend, but if you’re going to bring around drama and foolishness thanks to your assumptions of where our relationship stands, I think I’ll be alright.

Do actions speak louder than words? In most cases, yes. In the case where you think I’m your boyfriend, but I’ve never verbalized the desire to be, no, actions do not speak louder than words. My silence should say it all. Sometimes one’s silence on an issue is more powerful than any words could be. This is one of those times.

If I don’t tell you that I’m interested in or attracted to you, you’d be best served by not getting too emotionally invested. Why? Because I’m a flirt. Most folks who know me would cosign. It’s easy to act like you’re in a relationship: you hang out, talk, hug, kiss, flirt, touch, cuddle, etc. And it’s not only easy, but it’s fun! Who doesn’t like to have fun? What’s not easy is being honest, laying your feelings on the table and actually committing to be in a relationship!

When I want a relationship with you; when I want more than a friendship, you’ll know. There will be no “maybe” floating around in your head; no second guessing anything. You will unequivocally know. How will you know? Because I will say something! What a revolutionary, mind blowing thought! I read a blog, 5 Mistakes Women Make, that elaborates on how men act in this regard:

When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess – drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you – we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you.

This concept seems simple enough, but somehow it so often gets twisted. What do you think? Guys, do you think the same way? Ladies, what about this concept is complex & misunderstood? Is it really just an issue that I have?

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5 Comments so far
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Stuart,

Everyone likes to have fun. I do as well! You are right in that it’s easy act that way as appose to spilling your guts and becoming commited.

I am actually someone that goes both ways. I not only am a flirt, but may take things the wrong way whether they are verbalized or not. I read into things more than I should, yet expect those around me to deal with the way I act… a catch 22.

So… I understand, do the same thing and expect everything in return. I have a lot to work on.

What you’ve stated could not be more clear. You know how you are, what you want, and will tell the world when you are read for anything.

Well said.

Comment by Ana

Stu,

I definitely feel you on this one!! But men get caught up too. It’s not one sided. I too am naturally flirtateous, but I’ve had to learn how to restrain myself as I’ve gotten older. I have had more than one male friend accuse me of intentionally ‘playing games’. When I ask what I did to make them feel that way, they would come up with a list of behaviors that I deemed completely innocent and playful.

What I have learned over the years is that maintaining true friendship is a shared responsibility. Sometimes we KNOW that the other person is crushing on us when we don’t feel the same. In these times, I feel we have a responsibility to either verbally make our intentions known or simply fall back.

Most of the time we do neither because we enjoy the attention. We enjoy being that person’s spotlight. I know this because I’ve done it before. More than once. And I’ve hurt people. Of this, I am not proud.

So, I guess, in the end, what I’m really trying to say is that we should never stop being ourselves, but we should try to be more careful. Especially when we know that people’s feelings are involved.

Comment by Neda

Stuart,
I read one of your blogs a couple weeks ago and have many times since come back to read them. I find myself thinking about the issues you pose long after I’ve read them and often times, without trying, a battle wages. I couldn’t quite figure you out, or why your words stick with me so long after I’ve closed my laptop. However, the answer was quite simple… I’m just the female version of you.
But, being a female, I have a lot to say on this issue. I completely understand your desire to have fun. I am the exact same way. I flirt, tease, smile, laugh and crush with the best of them and have unfortunately run into the same issue too many times. However, I feed off the other person. The more they convey that type of behavior, the more I give it back. It’s hard to have a type of friendship like that where someone does not end up hurt.
Forgive me if this sounds too blunt, but if you are aware of what your actions are doing to the other person, then is it fair to keep them up? Sure, the friendship might start out innocent enough, but eventually, someone gets caught up and then crushed because they end up misinterpreting the other’s actions. Shouldn’t it be your responsibility, as their friend, to be sensitive to how you handle their feelings? Especially if your actions and playful manor might be too hard to for them to handle?

Comment by K

I just don’t like it when men send mix feelings. I’m very sensative. =( I like this posting though.Can I use it on my blog, with of course, notating the author?

Comment by Single In Atlanta

I agree. I think mixed messages get sent when people just don’t know what they want from the relationship.

You can definitely use it on your blog! Glad you enjoyed it.

Comment by CreativeStu




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