the BLOG of stuart mcdonald


Christian’s Dirty Little Secret
July 16, 2009, 1:55 am
Filed under: My Life..., Think About It | Tags: , , , , ,

{Authors Note: This is an intensely personal post for me to write. This is something I have struggled for over 13 years. I feel this topic is taboo in the church but needs to be addressed. This will undoubtedly hit a lot of people the wrong way and that’s fine. I feel it entirely necessary to share. Be warned, this is a mature topic.}

SHHHHChristian men and women do it. Some nearly every day. So do teenagers. Singles enjoy it. Married folks do it as well. The elders of the church and pastors might even do it. Yet no one wants to talk about it. Most won’t admit to it. The church rarely addresses it.

I’m talking about masturbation. Yes, that’s right… Christians masturbate. Whether we use a dildo, a blow up doll, a vibrator, or your left and right hand, the result is the same. Anytime we cause ourselves to orgasm in a manner outside of God’s original intent, we sin. This sin, masturbation, has turned into the Christian’s dirty little secret.

Our hands were designed by God to build. But we’ve perverted that purpose to bring us a temporal pleasure. Our hands were not made to beat our bodies or to stimulate ourselves to the point of orgasm, where, as men, we spill our seed, our future family. When we ejaculate, we put our future family in the toilet, on a towel or tissue, or in our pants. In doing so, we say to God,”I don’t value the ability you’ve given me to perpetuate a Godly legacy.” We fail realize there are children who will never have been born all because we wanted to pleasure ourselves.

Most view masturbation as a private sin, done where no one can see. However, as believers, God dwells inside each one of us. Our bodies become His temple. Do you think the Holy Spirit turns a blind eye when we decide to gratify our fleshly urges, lusts, and desires?  Do you think God “takes 5” when we decide to take our 5 fingers and bring ourselves to an orgasm? Absolutely not! He is forced to sit and watch while we sin! Can you imagine how that breaks his heart?

In the Old Testament, you would either die or be cut off from the Presence of God if the sacrifice you presented was damaged or unacceptable. While we no longer bring sacrifices in that manner, because Jesus Christ was the ultimate sacrifice and atonement for our sins, the principle remains the same. We are to “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, dedicated to God and pleasing to Him.” We’d be foolish to expect God to accept our sacrifice when we’ve chosen to pervert God’s design by violating our own bodies.

328998_8283And yet, day after day, week after week, we offer the sacrifice of praise and worship with clapping and lifting of our hands. We lay our hands on others during prayer. We hold our Bibles & turn the pages of His Word. We pat, dap, hug & shake hands with our friends; blessing and encouraging them in the Lord. Then we leave our churches, our small group meetings, and go home and pleasure ourselves with those very same hands!

“Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? Who shall stand in his holy presence? He who has CLEAN HANDS and a pure heart.” How can we have clean hands when they’ve been used to beat ourselves, to defile and demean our own bodies? Our bodies, His dwelling place, are no longer clean. We say our hearts & minds are set towards God, yet behind closed doors, it’s a different story.

The good news is, like every temptation we face, God has made a way of escape. You have to examine when you’re most likely to fall into the trap and avoid those situations at all cost. Identify both your emotional and circumstantial triggers. It could be when you’re lonely, tired, angry, or sad. Maybe it’s late at night flipping through the channels, or surfing the net, when you’re bored. Perhaps it’s after you’ve had a fight with a friend or a long day at work. Whatever the case, it’s crucial to recognize when you’re vulnerable. You need to find accountability with another person of the same sex. You are not the only person facing this issue. If you need to get some software, XXX Church, based in Las Vegas has incredible resources.

Do whatever it takes! You can never fall off the edge if you don’t get close. If you see your emotional and circumstantial triggers arise, quickly turn in the other direction.

Please know I am not condemning anyone. I have been there, done that. Literally. It’s only by the grace of God, day by day, that I don’t fall. I am making myself an open book to you. If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to ask me.

{Note: Portions of the third paragraph are paraphrased from the “Blinded By the Booty” message, taught by Dr. Bryan E Crute, Destiny Metropolitan Worship Church, 1775 Water Place, Atlanta GA 30339. Scripture references are Romans 12 & Psalm 24}

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25 Comments so far
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Oooohh… Good topic. You do a great job of presenting a sound position. It’ll be interesting to hear what others have to say: Christians and non-Christians. This can offer so much freedom in the lives of others.

Comment by Rob

Great topic, Stu. Another example of sinning against your own body as with fornication. The Holy Spirit is grieved and I liken it to wathching a movie that violates your eyes and you feel shamed sitting through it…I can imagine that’s how he must feel. I speak from experience that you can overcome this like any sin with God’s help and just concentrate on doing the next right thing by identifying WHEN you are tempted as you said and being intentional about receiving the way of escape that he provides. Purity is a heart condition that flows from knowing your own mess and making up your mind ahead of time how you will keep from falling….then God gives us the grace to do it. Glad you brought up the conversation..

Comment by Kim

Excellent! Raw! Honest! Transparent! Thank you!!

Comment by Damiana

A topic that resonates with me personally. Thanks for sharing!

Comment by Designergenes

Masturbation is not a sin. Why is that sex and pleasure is always treated like it’s a dirty thing? It is only dirty or sinful when done with dirty or sinful intentions. Masturbation comes from the urge to release tension, both mental and physical. An orgasm can and does relieve you of all tension. It’s healthy for you. Sex is a need that we as humans have and it’s time religious leaders stopped treating it as if it were a dirty thought that corrupts the mind. If it is a sin, please consider that it is the only one that is the human’s natural state. No one gets the “urge” to just lie. No one gets the “urge” to just steal. Those urges are considered rare and are labeled as “mental disorders” because they are not part of a human’s basic needs. If sex is considered not one of those needs then would the Church please lobby to have it added to the “mental disorder” list? No one is taught to want sex, you don’t even have to be shown sex to develop a want for it. A child could grow up in an attic with no human interaction, but once he hits 11 or 12…those urges manifest themselves. maybe even later because of his social conditions, but either way…

If sex and the need for orgasmic release is a sin then eating, drinking, and sleeping should be too. Answer why God, who created us and thus created our hearts and minds, would install a natural urge that ultimately sins against Him? Why do you REALLY think Adam “needed a companion?” He had all the animals in the…Garden…to talk to, to worship with, and to enjoy God’s work with. They were pure and of almost equal intelligence. If you believe in the story of Adam and Eve, then you must look at the situation in a very real way and realize exactly what it was that Eve could provide that the animals couldn’t. Adam had never seen a woman yet knew immediately what to do with her.

Also, spilling your seed cannot be considered a waste and defilement of your potential children because whether you choose to release that seed into a woman or not, it will be spilled. Night emissions (or wet dreams) are considered by some scientists to be the body’s natural purge of excess sperm. Those do not come from masturbation and are not always accompanied by sexual thought or dreams either. Even if you were to release into a woman, MILLIONS of sperm are released but only one (exception being fraternal twin birth) can make it to an egg and fertilize. That’s if there is an egg there. The others? Killed. By the acidity in a woman’s vaginal canal, or simply die off when they have not achieved fertilization. So even with your wife, you seed is wasted.

If you ask me, the sexist and VERY one-sided argument for virginity and purity (yes, one-sided. there are men saving it for marriage but um…it’s not expected…even by the Bible) stems from a never-ending need for men to feel that their woman is theirs and has never been anyone else’s. This thought has been institutionalized into religious and moral law. Because while there are some men (Stuart being one of them) who apply the Bible’s stringent laws of purity to their lives, the enforcement and consequences of said laws are really only applied to women. That’s the truth of it all. Sometimes, one must take a step back from what’s written in a Book and look at what’s primitively inherent in human brains, natural, and REAL. Older than the Book itself.

Comment by Tatiana Noel

@Tatiana – First, I have to say that I LOVE that you disagree with me! Let me also say that God created sex. It was intended to be very pleasurable. But it was designed to be enjoyed in the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. There are no exceptions to that rule.

So, let’s define sin. Sin is anything either goes directly against God’s Word or something that does not bring glory to God. The bible teaches us that lusting after someone with our heart is the same as committing adultery. Adultery we know to be a sin.

When we feel the pleasure of our own self stimulation, our minds can’t help but to think about vulgar sexual images and ideas. Dwelling on those images produces a desire to obtain what we cannot have, which in turn translates into lust. Trying to separate lust from masturbation is like removing sugar from sweet tea.

Yes, society gives us a sexist, one-sided perspective when it comes to sex & virginity. Welcome to America. However, if God’s original intent was for both parties to be virgins when they married, then you could deduce that no one is having sex outside of marriage. If no one has sex outside of marriage then there is no one for those who are not married to have sex with. Thus they must wait until they have entered the covenant of marriage before the have sex. Obviously God original intent is not followed out today by very many people, but you can see that His design was not flawed, sexist or one sided.

Comment by CreativeStu

Tatiana!!!!
Yes! Thank you! Glad to hear there’s someone out there with some sense in her head. You expressed yourself clearly and succinctly.
Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a complete and reasonable way.
God gave you common sense as well a a brain!
AMEN Sistah!

Comment by Alastair McDonald

First, Stu, thanks so much for presenting this blog and for your transparency throughout the discussion. I only hope to be equally as transparent in my response.

Stu, I agree with you 100% that masturbation is a sin. I 100% disagree with this particular comment that negates it as such. Since this issue was raised as it relates to Christians, I will respond in that context. The mind is where 99% of our battles take place. When a person is masturbating, married or single, more than likely that person is not fantasizing about cute cocker spaniels and furry kittens. They are playing, rewinding and replaying the hottest sexual fantasy imaginable in their minds over and over again. This is what creates the climax. This is not how God intended for us to enjoy sex….matter of fact, this is simply NOT enjoying sex, but abusing our bodies. Of course, the “grand finale” is the orgasm, however the God-intended method of releasing sexual energy is through sex within the confines of marriage.

In addition to this, masturbation does much more than give a climax. It teaches a person how to satisfy themselves…so think about that. If you are an expert at satisfying yourself sexually, you will be one of the ones who is “hard to please” in bed because #1, you have trained your mind to climax to a certain image and repetitive motions and #2, when you ARE actually with your mate, you may have an incredibly difficult time climaxing because guess what, no matter how much you try to “teach” someone how to do something, they will not be able to do it in the exact way that you do it to yourself.

On top of all that, I truly believe masturbating creates a sexual prowess that is just unhealthy. The more you masturbate, the more you want to masturbate because you realize how easy it is to “get yourself off” at any given moment. I know both men and women, who confess to masturbating several times during the day – AT WORK!! Now that is just a disgusting thought to me, however this is their lifestyle and they see nothing wrong with it. There are plenty of ways to have the release of tension…sex is not the only way to handle that. I have male friends who are in their late 20s and early 30s who are virgins and rely on physical activity to relieve all kinds of stress, so it is possible.

Bottom line, as a Christian, you should not be using your hands to defile the body. God says anything that defiles the temple will be destroyed, and you don’t know how that destruction will happen. Masturbation is a warped sex act, meaning a MISuse of what God originally intended. Something to think long and hard about….

Comment by tangiblewordz

I suppose that, looking at it from the context of a Christian, you have to say that it is a sin. It is against what is written in the Bible, which has been adopted as the Christian’s sole manual on life and moral code. Stepping outside of the Bible, as I did in my response, it’s irrefutable that lust (read it as a clean word, please) is a natural part of life. Sexual thoughts, activities, etc. The Bible makes it impossible to justify those things, though. So as a Christian, masturbation should be regarded as a sin against yourself and God. You know I had to come bring the non-believer point of view though, Stu.

Comment by Tatiana Noel

I feel you. And I always appreciate the differing points of views because it forces me to examine what and why I believe. I think for those that aren’t Christians, you’d have to argue this in a completely different manor & it would be VERY difficult if at all possible.

Comment by CreativeStu

Dang, that was even longer than your post, Stu, why ain’t you stop me???

Comment by Tatiana Noel

very interesting topic. I must say that I haven’t read much on this subject in the Bible. I will have to do my research. but I’m curious, what are your thoughts Stu, about masturbation among married couples? I feel that it is part of a sexual relationship. In a marriage, does the Bible say it is a sin?

I have to agree wth Tatiana about ‘sperm wasted”?? We use birth control. His sperm is “wasted” every time we make love. Are we also sinning? And I know for some that birth control is another hot button topic. I think this subect matter is not black and white.

I also pray that my children wait to have sex until they are married. I personally would not object to my children as young adults masturbating in lieu of having sex. that’s just me…

But as I stated earlier, I have not read the Word on this subject so I am just speaking on my initials thoughts.

Good topic Stu!

Comment by Tasha

@Tasha – I believe, mutual masturbation in the context of marriage is acceptable. NOT that a husband and a wife masturbate separately, but together, as foreplay to intercourse. Sort of a “You do me and I’ll do you” kind of exchange. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” The reason you engage in that act is because you’re showing your love and affection for each other in the context of your marital relationship.

When it comes to your children masturbating, I’d caution you NOT to approve (because if you have no objection, that’s just what you’re doing) for the reason I directed towards Tatiana. You cannot separate masturbation from lust. And when you’re a teenager and you want to masturbate, you want to lust after something visual, what comes into play? Pornography. I won’t go into the dangers of pornography now, because that’s a blog series by itself.

Suffice it to say, pornography, while being very gratifying (albeit temporarily), is incredibly harmful and dangerous to all those involved. Not to mention it’s very easy to become addicted to and that addiction is JUST as hard to shake as one to any physical substance. Trust me on this.

Comment by CreativeStu

Another thought provoking and interesting post! While I agree with the earlier posts that the spilling of the sperm isn’t necessarily a sin, I do agree that masturbation is. It’s generated from the lust of the flesh and every act of the flesh is sin!

Comment by Brett

@Tatiana – First, I have to say that I LOVE that you disagree with me! Let me also say that God created sex. It was intended to be very pleasurable. But it was designed to be enjoyed in the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. There are no exceptions to that rule.

So, let’s define sin. Sin is anything either goes directly against God’s Word or something that does not bring glory to God. The bible teaches us that lusting after someone with our heart is the same as committing adultery. Adultery we know to be a sin.

When we feel the pleasure of our own self stimulation, our minds can’t help but to think about vulgar sexual images and ideas. Dwelling on those images produces a desire to obtain what we cannot have, which in turn translates into lust. Trying to separate lust from masturbation is like removing sugar from sweet tea.

Yes, society gives us a sexist, one-sided perspective when it comes to sex & virginity. Welcome to America. However, if God’s original intent was for both parties to be virgins when they married, then you could deduce that no one is having sex outside of marriage. If no one has sex outside of marriage then there is no one for those who are not married to have sex with. Thus they must wait until they have entered the covenant of marriage before the have sex. Obviously God original intent is not followed out today by very many people, but you can see that His design was not flawed, sexist or one sided.

@Tasha – I believe, mutual masturbation in the context of marriage is acceptable. NOT that a husband and a wife masturbate separately, but together, as foreplay to intercourse. Sort of a “You do me and I’ll do you” kind of exchange. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” The reason you engage in that act is because you’re showing your love and affection for each other in the context of your marital relationship.

When it comes to your children masturbating, I’d caution you NOT to approve (because if you have no objection, that’s just what you’re doing) for the reason I directed towards Tatiana. You cannot separate masturbation from lust. And when you’re a teenager and you want to masturbate, you want to lust after something visual, what comes into play? Pornography. I won’t go into the dangers of pornography now, because that’s a blog series by itself.

Suffice it to say, pornography, while being very gratifying (albeit temporarily), is incredibly harmful and dangerous to all those involved. Not to mention it’s very easy to become addicted to and that addiction is JUST as hard to shake as one to any physical substance. Trust me on this.

@Everyone – Now, when it comes to the sperm being wasted, I believe this. Our bodies create a certain amount of semen that, if we do not release within a certain time-frame, the body will do itself. I do believe that was the way God intended it to be. I don’t believe he intended for the use of condoms or other contraceptives (unless you need them for other medical reasons). I believe that not using any method of birth control takes an extreme faith in God to give you just what you need and no more.

I also don’t believe that God makes any mistakes when it comes to which sperm meet with the egg to form a child. That’s why, I believe we circumvent God’s plan for our families when we masturbate because we don’t allow God to control what sperm is released. Sounds a little far fetched, yeah, maybe. But I believe that is God’s original design.

Comment by CreativeStu

I want to comment but especially after the other comments on the post page, I’m not sure what to say. Thanks for being courageous enough to talk about things that others feel is taboo.

You, of course, share the male perspective…and I’d like to hear the female perspective. We’re not as visually stimulated…and w/o getting graphic, no images ran through my mind when I struggled with it. You also talked about “wasting seed,” which also isn’t an issue for women. Ultimately, I stopped only because I felt convicted…not based on what anyone else said, because I don’t find scripture that specifically addresses this issue.

…did I say that I wasn’t sure what I’d say?…

Comment by Sanga

Masturbation is something that I deal with regularly and every time I engage in this activity I feel terrible. Physically I feel great…lol, however mentally and spiritually I feel as though I’ve committed the ultimate sin. I’ve always viewed masturbation to be wrong outside of marriage. Needless to say,I guess I can shamefully admit I’m somewhat addicted. I’m not as bad as I once was however I do have my days. Masturbation for me started in my mid 20s and maybe thats because instead of experimenting with it as a teen I actually started experimenting with sex. Once I realized that I was tired of giving myself to undeserving fellas I turned to self-pleasure. I went from bad to worse.

I feel as though I have a ways to go before being the person I am suppose to be and one of the hurdles that I must cross is masturbation. It is considered to be my dirty little secret, until now. Even though I feel embarrassed about admitting to this I do know that I am one step closer to crossing my hurdle. Thanks Stuart for the post it really hit home. If no one else walks away from this blog with anything just know that I’ve walked away with a little more courage to press through and overcome my addiction.

Comment by shuckizney

LOVE IT!!! Thank you so much for being so honest and transparent!!!

Comment by tangiblewordz

If one person changes their mind after reading this, I feel it accomplished it’s goal. As with any addiction, admitting that you have a problem is the first step towards making a change. It takes a lot to admit that in the first place. It’s also important to know that it IS possible to overcome. I’ve talked to dozens within the past few days, including myself, who have overcome it. So know that you’re not alone. Many have been right where you are and come out the other side a better person! Thank you for your honesty! I SO appreciate it!

Comment by CreativeStu

One more thing: not all lust results in the viewing of porn. It didn’t for me….that wasn’t my vice.

Comment by Sanga

You’re right. Not ALL lust leads to porn. But for guys it’s a “gateway” to porn because your imagination only goes so far before you need something else.

Comment by CreativeStu

thanks for your honesty, transparency, and courage. you’re definitely my male role model.

Comment by Gio

Stu Stu Stu… i too have been there and done that, I have taken it even further and invited others(females) to join me basically manipulating them into seeing, feeling and believing that what I said at that time was real. All of this prior to being married of course!! But As I read your post and the comments that come from it, I am reminded of the NEED for truth, love, forgiveness, non judgment and open arms to be extended to all. All of these things you do extremely well!

I wish more of us, especially men, would step out of our dark “caves”, our secret places and come forth and share these things with others. It is needed now more than ever.

Thank you for sharing, you have once again encouraged me to go out, be free and let nothing stop me from living for Him, no matter what my past may look like…

Comment by lloyd owens

“In the Old Testament, you would either die or be cut off from the Presence of God if the sacrifice you presented was damaged or unacceptable”. Someone told me that if you continue to masturbate or have sex before marriage, that God will stop listening/hearing your prayers… is that true? have you heard that before? is that along the lines of being “cut off”

Comment by lee-lee

Lee-lee — I see why they would say that, and my answer would be this: Don’t try it. If you (or anyone else) are worried about that happening, do everything you can, live a life that honors God, in order to make sure that He hears your prayers. Remember that James says the prayer of a righteous man avails much.

I’d have to see that specific scripture and it’s context (because taking scriptures out of context is VERY dangerous and leads us astray) in order to further evaluate that. My initial thought is that when they say “cut off” they mean more along the lines of not having salvation, not being able to be in the Presence of God, rather than not being heard in your prayers, but like I said, without context, it’s hard to know.

Comment by CreativeStu




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