the BLOG of stuart mcdonald

Where I Am… I Think
February 2, 2009, 10:58 am
Filed under: My Life...

I feel like I’m at a place in my life, where, while I don’t feel super focused on it, I’m thinking about ‘settling down’ and if I’m honest, that thought is a little (like 10 – 20%) scary. I don’t know that it looks like the movies make it look like because I don’t see her and I being a ‘typical’ couple. Lord knows I’m not intentionally trying to focus on those things, but being somewhat of a hopeless romantic, it gets to be kind of difficult.

Now, I will say that right now, I don’t know that I’m 100% ready to begin a family, with children and all, but I do think that I’ve made some good decisions recently that are beginning to set me up for that. I know children are an incredible responsibility and I know that right now, I don’t see their mother in my situation, not do I feel like I could own up to that responsibility. I don’t think once I find her, then I’ll immediately want to have kids, but I think that you have to walk before you can run.

Someone asked me, in reference to a note I had written, “Is there nothing sacred with you?” I think there very much is. There are certain things that I will and won’t discuss under any circumstances with people other than those involved and/or my inner circle. The things I write about and post are things that I think people can learn something from. Not that I have that much to teach, but sometimes my circumstances do, and I’d hope that whomever may read them would learn something from what happens to me.

I want my life to be an open book. Not so people can think highly of me, but more so to keep my accountable to the general public. Of course there are things that would only be shared with a few, but most of the ‘regular’ and ‘mundane’ issues in life I don’t mind sharing with the world. I’m a very honest person and, in my opinion, honestly hinges on openness and being forthcoming with what’s going on.

So what in the world does that have to do with my being ‘ready’ for a relationship where we’re pursuing marriage? That relationship will be very private. You may see us interact or sit together at church, you may speculate and assume things, but I will not make the same mistake twice. I will not put my own business out in the street. I will be very selective about who I make our relationship known to. That’s not to say that the people who need to know won’t because I’m trying to hide things. Quite the opposite, in fact. The people who need to know, my small group, my leaders, will know everything and will be able to protect both her and me from foolishness.

I will not let my haters get the best of me. Nor will I give them any room whatsoever to interfere with my life.


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