the BLOG of stuart mcdonald

Undue Allegiance?
January 15, 2009, 1:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Before I begin, I must make the following disclaimer: I am not any kind of expert in the area of race relations. I’m simply pondering on the things that I notice personally. You are absolutely entitled to your own opinions. Also note that I will use the terms “black” and “white” in order to completely stereotype people and I understand that skin tone does not always dictate culture or attitude towards a particular situation. I also understand that there are exceptions to every statement I’ll make.

I have noticed that black women have an allegiance to black men. I don’t think that black men carry the same allegiance and I wonder why. Why have black men long dated outside their race, but it’s only been as of late that you’ve seen black women dating other races? Where does this seemingly unspoken allegiance come from? I can understand that you want to perpetuate your own heritage and your allegiance can come from there, but I wonder if there isn’t a balance.

I don’t think that we should settle for a particular person (when it comes to marriage) just because they have a certain skin tone (or cultural background for that matter). Do we feel like if a person is outside our race, that they ‘had better be worth it’? In other words, if we date outside our race, they have to be a step above what they would be if they were the same ‘color’ as us? Do we find ourselves  settling for people that may not be the best for us just because they’re our same race, when maybe we could find better elsewhere?

I’m not saying, “Hey everyone, go out and marry someone of a different race and have interracial kids!” No, what I am saying is, why should we look exclusively in one place (or race) when we may miss God’s blessing (and a better person) if we look at their inward person first?

I don’t believe that it’s ‘easy’ to be a part of an interracial relationship. I think you have to be that much more sure that you truly love the person you’re with, for better or for worse (because the worse, will be much worse). There will always additional forces pulling at both people, discouraging you, and wanting the relationship to fail. You have to know that those trials are going to come and you have to be ready to face them together, with a united front, on one accord.


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Hey Stu! I enjoyed reading your observation about black women’s allegiance to black men and the unreciprocation of that allegiance. I can say, unauthoritatively, that I think you’re right and I’m sure there are a number of reasons why. I’m not going to go into the reasons (unless you ask me to after reading this), I just wanted to share my own experience. I’m black and I’ve dated white men. This was not a planned achievement or conquest; it just happened. My high school sweetheart was white and again as a young woman working and in graduate school I dated a white (Italian) man. In both cases we had something in common (school or athletic interests), they approached, and I accepted. Despite my black nationalist-looking afro, I try not to be ethnocentric; I do my best to embrace other races and cultures and wouldn’t want to miss out on their beauty and giftings. Growing up black in Phx, AZ probably helped me embrace the idea of dating outside of my race. I can attest that there are challenges and I amen all of what you said about the “worse” above. I agree with you that black women could benefit from losing an allegiance to an idea that may not serve their own interests, or worse, may be a bigotry that needs to be shed. I also think that dating outside of your race for the wrong reason could cause much pain to the one who is being led by his heart as opposed to an ideology.

Comment by Cantice

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