Filed under: Relationships, Think About It | Tags: etiquette, men, Relationships, the past, women
I had a dream last night that led me to think about how we relate to those we’ve been romantically involved in after we’re no longer involved with them and how should our friends respect the relationship that once was. In simpler terms — what’s the rule with friends and ex’s?
Let me give you a quick recap of what happened in my dream so this will make more sense: A group of friends were all at a movie together. On one side, I was sitting next to “W,” my ex (really, she’s not an “official” ex, only because we were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but we do have history), because we are still amiable. (I’m that way with most women I’ve had a relationship with. I don’t understand those who absolutely abhor their ex’s… but that’s another post.) On the other side of her was our friend “M,” who has, at some point, expressed some interest in her to me, but did so without knowing that her and I got as involved as we did.
So we’re watching the movie, and at some point I look over to see them all in each other’s faces making out. I immediately get a little ticked off. Not so much that I make a scene — instead I just get up and leave. (Now, I would say that, for me, that’s not a typical response, but having never been in the exact situation, I couldn’t tell you.) (more…)
Filed under: Relationships, Think About It | Tags: dating, love, men, Relationships, women
In my last post, “Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue,” I dealt with the question of why some men just don’t pursue to numerous quality women that are in their lives. I won’t repeat the entire article, but essentially the point was this — why pursue when you don’t have to?
However, I know some women probably read that and said, “We’re in the 21st century, why do I need to wait for a man to pursue me? I’m gonna get my man for myself. I’m not waiting on him.”
And I can understand their point. We do live in times that are culturally, very different from 50 years ago — heck, from 20 years ago. In a time when feminism and womanism is at, perhaps, an all time high, and “Miss Independent” is everywhere you look, I think it only natural that the question arrises…
Should women pursue men? (more…)
Filed under: Relationships, Think About It | Tags: dating, men, pursuit, Relationships, shoes, women
Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?
Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)
Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.
Which pair would you buy? (more…)
I think too often we — whether singles, Christians, whatever — tend to “tag along” with ideas without asking any questions Certain ideas and ways of doing things have just become the status quo. We blindly adopt the “if they’re doing it, I probably should too” ideology.
I would categorize marriage as one of those things. We never really examine if it’s something that’s for us. Instead we just assume it’s the natural next step and right and we fall right in line.
Do we get married because we have legitimate, real reasons, or do we do it just because that’s what society, and especially the church, tell us that we should do? If you get down to the heart of the matter, almost everything that one could do inside a marriage, could also be done outside of a marriage, whether in a committed partnership, or in some cases, just a “regular” relationship. (more…)
Filed under: Relationships, Think About It | Tags: church, dating, men, Relationships, singles, women
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, and as singles tend to do, we inevitably came to talk about where single people can meet potential spouses. She asked me, “Why does it seem like every man that goes to [our church] is going outside of [our church] to find themselves a girlfriend?” (While we were talking specifically about the church we attended, the same conversation could have been had about any church across America.)
Good question. Why does it seem that so many men go outside of their local church when there may be plenty of “options” inside their church?
First, I wonder if it just seems that way because we tend to more easily notice “outsiders” who come in with a person we know in our church? For example, if I’m dating a new girl, who I met outside of my church, to a Sunday service, people would be more likely to recognize that than if I came to a service with someone who is a member of my church, wouldn’t you think? (more…)
Filed under: Relationships, Think About It | Tags: expectations, men, past, Relationships, women
Why do we assume that the next one, the new one, will be like the last one? Why do we think that the way the last person did things will be the way the next person will do things? I think, more often than not, we don’t even know we do hold these expectations, but instead they just tend to develop naturally. We think that if the last girl (or guy) treated me like this, or said these things went she (or he) wanted this, the next relationship will have the same “rules” and “protocols.”
Let’s be honest — we all make assumptions, even judgments, about how we expect or assume a relationship will go. It’s human nature. But to assume the new person will act, speak, and talk like the last person you had a relationship with, isn’t fair to the new person and your relationship with them. It says, in essence, they’re just like everyone else, when in reality, nothing may be further from the truth. They may be nothing like the people you’ve been with in the past. If that’s true, why would you treat them as if they are? It’s simple: It’s hard to break habits. Perhaps even harder to break history. (more…)
I have to say that I had a great time writing last week’s post about the “Five Reasons I Hate Dating Christians.” I find it a bit indicting that, as a Christian myself, it was that easy to come up with things that we do wrong when it comes to dating, and even relationships in general. Not surprisingly a lot of people — some Christian, some not — agreed with the points. My goal wasn’t to say that, as a Christian, you shouldn’t be dating Christians, but rather to bring some attention to the things to avoid in your relationships. For those who read that aren’t Christians, well, do you. Having never been in a relationship without being a Christian, so I can’t speak to your situation.
So in order to offer some redemption to last week’s post, and balance things out, here are the three reasons I love dating Christians (as a Christian — because, honestly, if I wasn’t a Christian, I don’t know that I’d date one). (more…)
Filed under: Relationships | Tags: church, dating, men, Relationships, women
Generally speaking, Christians are great people in a lot of ways. But sometimes, for some reason, they end up being less Christ-like and more crazy-like. The realm of dating and male-female relationships is one of these areas. It seems that when conversations concerning the opposite sex come into the picture, Christians immediately make things more complicated than they should be and thus bring undue tension, drama, and stress into the picture.
I have devised a list of the five reasons that I hate dating Christians, or more accurately, the five things that annoying me most when dating Christians. And for all those super saved folks that think this is blasphemous, and will comment about how Christians should only date Christians (which I’ll agree with) please know that I’ll come back with another list next week, just to even things out, so go ahead relax. It’s ok. So, here we go… in no particular order: (more…)